I went on down to the madwoman’s home ‘Cause I heard she had powerful brews I knocked hard on her hobbit-hole door And counted what I brought as dues. Her clothes were rags, her cane a stick, I knew her brain was not all there Like her mind had grown sick of this vile dimension And decided to live elsewhere. She led me in with a wink, Offered me tea and a chair. I said I wanted happiness, thrust out my money But she did not seem to care. Her foggy eyes grew large She laughed and threw back her head Said my money was no good around these parts And then this is what she said: “Everything has a price Nothing in this world is free. It all comes down to trade I’ve been around, take it from me. Everything has a cost, So look down at whatever you got. What are you willing to part with? What’ll you throw in the pot?” I did not have a chance to reply She was already pacing around Gathering purses from hooks on the wall Opening chests on the ground. I was taken aback. What kind of payment did she want? All I had was in this coin purse, Still, that was incredibly gaunt. “For what you seek,” she croaked, “You’ll have a pay a lot. Happiness comes at a high, high price. Tell me, what have you got?” She made less sense as she went on. I knew not what to say. But I came here for a reason, And if I must, I would pay. “Please, I am a poor man,” I felt my voice take a quiver. “What can I offer? I don’t have much.” She faced me, and I felt a shiver. A broad smile spread on her face, Revealing her teeth cracked or missing. “I’ll tell you, my boy, what I’ll take in exchange,” This is how ran her listing: “There is not much upon this Earth Humans want more than happiness. What they will trade in exchange Seems to me to be endless. Hedonists and cynics can fight But always hated philosophers. I’m just here to make a fair trade Humans pass by me like blurs. I’ll take your confidence, your own self-worth What a life without those near? You may live a life of quiet bliss But also a life of fear. If you think you’re the old-fashioned type I can take some years off your life. You may lose experiences, maybe some joy, But you’ll also lose the strife. If you’re of the over-worker type I can give you more hours of day I’ll take your need to go to sleep And keep dreams and nightmares away. Are you a man of fine taste? Do you watch the day turn to night? For I can take your senses away But you’ll be happy, right? Are you a workaholic? Are you always itching for more? Because I can take your free time. You’ll be busy evermore. Are you a man of culture? Do you love novels all night? I’ll take your fancy penmanship So you can’t read or write. Now, if you’re a true old soul Or a fan of the visceral I’ll take your body parts or hair. Who said trades were dull? Here we come to the most common thing Everyone wants to give up. I can take your sadness, misery, Anything you think up. I’ll take much more, what ever you want! Choose a trait, I’m not picky. But be careful what you discard, Losing who you are is tricky. I’ll take whatever you will give, Your kindness or your cruelty, Strength of muscle or character, Your intelligence or stupidity. Give me your health, your mortality. You can never die! What will you give up to me, Come now, don’t be shy!“ She raved, ranted, screamed, Spittle flying, pacing all around! As she cried, I gathered my things And stood without a sound. I was taken quite aback. I admit, I wanted that joy But I’m no fool, I know no wise man With fae decides to toy. While she raved in her fervor Her wild hair flying about, I stepped out of her dirt-floored home And left without a doubt. Many men that came before Have lost much to her kind, But there are other ways to acquire Happiness, you’ll find.