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Oh, to Be Human by Anonymous

Preface

From the beginning, Sapiens were greedy. Their curiosity caused them to take as much land as they could, and yet they still searched for more. As curiosity turned to greed, they killed off any animals they came across and didn’t hesitate to destroy the plant life surrounding them. They were a race of pure destruction. But they didn’t consider themselves evil; in fact, they thought they were better than everybody. They named themselves “the wise” and got on with colonizing land and destroying the harmony on Earth.

The other humans didn’t have much of a say in what the Sapiens did, and for the most part, they ignored them. That changed when Sapiens started killing their brethren. The first to go were the Homo Rhodesiensis. Obliterated, only bones left behind tell their story today. The Sapiens continued by killing the Homo Floresiensis, the Homo Heidelbergensis, and the Homo Naledi until there were only three human species left. It became a “join us or die” situation. The few that survived were considered lesser despite being millenia older than their younger cousins. They made way for what would become known as the age of the Sapiens. Sapiens saw it as glorious, and the other humans were too scared to say anything to the contrary. Thus, Sapiens, with a few Erectus and Neanderthalensis, conquered the world.


Book One

July 5, 2020

Disgusting, Lukas thought, and wrinkled his nose as he walked by the homeless man to the left of him. It wasn’t that Lukas had anything against the poor; in fact, Lukas, a congressional representative, had a history of supporting bills that funded welfare programs for the homeless. No, the problem in this instance was that the man shouldn’t even be considered a man. At first glance, he looked normal enough, if not a bit short and stocky. But once one noticed those defining features, it was all too easy to spot the enormous nose and the garishly large forehead. “Neanderthal,” Lukas growled under his breath.

The Neanderthal’s head snapped up, shock written on his face.

“The correct term is Neaderthalensis, or if you're being technical, Homo Neanderthalensis,” he said in a raspy voice.

Lukas considered saying “Neanderthal” again, but decided that if anyone important was watching, it could ruin his image. Of course these creatures thought that they were good enough to fall under the human genus. Sure, genetics would argue that they do, but science can be incorrect. The nerve of those Neanderthals for thinking they could be anything remotely human. No, the one true human species is Sapiens, as has been proved time and time again through our survival and evolution.

The word “neanderthal” described what those beings were in Lukas’s eyes: oafish, clumsy fools. Luckily for Lukas, in a few days, Neanderthals and Erectuses alike would no longer be considered human by law. As long as things went according to plan. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he whipped it out, a grimace on his face.

“What? I’m busy.”

“Mr. Allen, you might have trouble getting to work today.”

“What do you mean? I’m almost at Capitol Hill. Stop wasting my time. I’m trying to have a pleasant morni-”

“Sir, since you publicly backed the Neanderthalensis-Erectus Non-Homo bill, there have been protesters rallying outside your window.”

“For God’s sake, I’ll-” Lukas was cut off as he arrived at the Capitol.

There weren’t many protesters, and most of them were lesser beings. It wouldn’t have really mattered to Lukas if not for the Sapiens in the crowd. How could his own people have turned on him? Why would fellow Sapiens lower themselves to this? As he walked, people chanted at him:

“Hey hey! Ho ho! Speciesism has got to go!”

Protesters waved posters in his face with data from scientific studies that supposedly proved that Erectus and Neanderthals fell under the human genus. Fortunately for Lukas, the law mattered more in Congress than “scientific facts.” Science was a scam, Lukas believed, except for the studies that showed the differences in cognitive processing of different species. They might not definitively say that Sapiens are superior cognitively, but they do say that Erectus and Neanderthals are “other,” just as they should be.

After pushing his way through the protesters and throwing a few choice words of his own at them, Lukas finally made his way up to the office, where his aides and interns were hard at work making a better, brighter world for humans. By humans, he meant Sapiens, of course. As he walked into his private office, he reviewed his schedule as an intern brought him coffee to start the day.

The day was long. Lukas had to make multiple media appearances to defend his stance on the Non-Homo bill. Getting called nasty names all day by people who didn’t even know him was exhausting and tiring. No one could understand how he felt or the horrible names he had been called. But Lukas was the best of the best, and he took it with a grin.

Lukas liked walking home at night. Some people called him privileged for being able to walk in the dark without having to fear for his life. Those statements always made Lukas frown because he believed that since he faced many challenges in life, he wasn’t “privileged.” The night air was warm against his face as crickets started to chirp. What a nice night to be walking. He decided to take the urban route, preferring to look at city buildings rather than residential neighborhoods.

As he walked past a 7-11, he bumped into a guy who was leaving the store.

“Sorry!”

Lukas was in such a good mood that he almost forgave the man until he got a good look at him. The man had long legs and awkward, short arms. It was an Erectus. He had bumped into Lukas, carrying who knows what germs from God knows where.

“You better be,” Lucas said sharply. “What are you trying to be, a T. rex? Oh right, you were born that way, because you are strange and unusual. You don’t deserve to breathe the same air as me. In fact, you shouldn’t be.”

By then a crowd had started to gather around Lukas. There were one or two phones that may have been recording, but Lukas didn't care; he was fed up. He lunged for the Erectus, and in self-defense, the other man brought his hands up and shoved Lukas away from him. Lukas stumbled.

“He pushed me! Did you see that? You saw that, right? He pushed me. He pushed me!”

By then the police had arrived and headed straight for the Erectus man.

“Identify yourself.”

“I’m Fred Baker. I was just minding my business when I accidentally bumped into him.”

“So you initiated the physical violence?”

“No, not at all — I apologized — I didn’t even hurt him!”

“Fred Baker, you’re under arrest.”

Lukas smirked as the police hauled the man away. He hoped they weren’t nice to the thing. The guy deserved to be a bit roughed up.


Book Two

June 8, 2020

Dear Diary,

My grandma and grandpa tell me to be proud. They told me about how we’ve been on this earth for over two million years. We were one of the first human species that took care of the weak and elderly. Just like Mommy has to take care of Nana and Grandad. Just like one day I’ll have to take care of Mommy and Daddy. I don’t want them to grow old. Cause one day you grow old and then they disappear. I don’t want them to disappear. I love my family and they should stay with me forever. I wonder why they have to leave.

In preschool, we learned that us Homos Erectuses made the first tools ever. I think that’s really crazy because my dad works with tools. He carves statues. I think they are much prettier than my ansestors’ (I don’t know if I spelled that right) statues were. Daddy says it's because we have better tools now. It’s weird that there was a time with no tools. What was it like to live without a crayon? How did they color? My parents say I will learn that when I’m older.

Oh, speaking of learning things, I had school today. It was fun. In art we got to do finger painting. Only Marcie was being mean, and she smeared some on my dress. She said that her parents said I was dirty, but I don't understand what that means. I was dirty because Marcie put paint on my dress. But otherwise, I take a bath every night. If anybody was dirty, it was Timmy. He always stinks really bad, but none of us want to tell him because that would be mean.

We had to learn about religion today. I don’t really understand it, but apparently it’s a Sapien thing. I don’t understand how they believe all those stories. Are Sapiens crazy? Apparently religion was so important that Sapiens had wars over it. I think that’s crazy. Why would you fight other humans about something that’s not real? When I told Mrs. Smith this, she got mad and made me sit in time-out. Time-out is where the bad people sit. I don’t know why I was there because I didn’t do anything bad.

Mommy said that the politics is getting bad. Apparently a bad man wants to say that we aren’t humans. I don’t understand that. I am a human. That is a fact proved by science. We learned about facts versus opinions last week. I didn’t realize facts could change. I’m pretty sure I’m a human. I mean, I meet the checklist.

I’m really sad because we weren’t able to go over to Uncle Fred’s house this week. He makes the best apple pie, and I was so excited for it. Apparently he’s been arrested. This means he’s in jail. Jail is for bad people. But Uncle Fred isn’t a bad person. He doesn’t even eat meat. I hope I can visit him next week because I really want some apple pie.

Write to you next week,

Anna Baker


Book Three

Criminal District Court

Parish of District of Columbia

Lukas Allen

Versus

Fred Baker

Hon. Steve Heron, judge, presiding on the 21st day of July, 2020.


Appearances:

Representing Lukas Allen:

Jane Ramer, ESQ.

Private attorney

Representing the Defendant:

Maury Lewis, ESQ.

D.C. Public Defender


Ms. Ramer:

Your honor, the plaintiff would like to call forth their first witness.

The Court:

Very well, call forth your first witness.

Ms. Ramer:

The State calls Alex Leider.

-Direct Examination-

Ms. Ramer:

Could you please state your full name for the record?

Ms. Leider:

Alexandra Juniper Leider.

Ms. Ramer:

Can you give us your account of the night of June 6, 2020?

Ms. Leider:

Well, I was walking home from work. It was getting dark, and I was worried because I don’t like walking in the dark. And I was stopped by a crowd in front of a 7-11. I was annoyed because I wanted to make my way home, but I soon realized something important was going down. I pushed my way forward, and I started to hear some of the stuff that the man — Lukas Allen, I think I recognized him from TV, was saying.

Ms. Ramer:

So by this time, Mr. Baker had already knocked Mr. Allen over.

Ms. Leider:

I don’t know. I didn’t see it happen. It could’ve, but it might not have.

Ms. Ramer:

What happened after you saw Mr. Allen chastising Mr. Baker?

Ms. Leider:

It seemed like a lot more than just chastising.

Ms. Ramer:

Objection. Witness speculation.

The Court:

Sustained. Strike it from the record.

Ms. Ramer:

Ms. Leider, who started the physical fighting from what you could see?

Ms. Leider:

I don’t really know. I mean, Mr. Allen lunged, and Mr. Baker pushed. It was so fast.

Ms. Ramer:

So you say that Mr. Allen lunged, which doesn’t mean that he touched Mr. Baker, meaning Mr. Baker initiated the physical assault, correct?

Ms. Leider

I don’t know who came in contact with whom first.

Ms. Ramer:

But Mr. Baker carelessly knocked Mr. Allen over on the way outside, making him the initiator of physical contact.

Ms. Leider:

I don’t know! And if anything, Mr. Allen was the threatening one. The Baker guy seemed to be acting in self defense!

Ms. Ramer:

Of course you would say that, Ms. Leider.

Ms. Leider:

What does that mean?

Ms. Ramer:

What species of human are you?

Ms. Leider:

Why does that matter?

Ms. Ramer:

Just answer the question.

Ms. Leider:

Homo Sapien. Why?

Ms. Ramer:

Well, I’ve done a bit of research on you. Is it not true that your great-great-great grandfather was a Homo Neanderthalensis?

Ms. Leider:

How do you know that?

Ms. Ramer:

IS IT TRUE?

Ms. Leider:

Yes, but it’s so small. I mean —

Ms. Ramer:

You are a non-Sapien, which is a conflict of interest. In fact, you were probably planted at the scene of the crime to make a fake testimony at this very trial.

Ms. Leider:

That is so untrue. And I am a Sapien. My parents were Sapiens. Can I object? Can I, as a witness, object?

Ms. Ramer:

Your honor, motion to invalidate the witness and her testimony?

The Court:

Sustained. Strike that testimony from the record.

The Court:

The court finds the defendant as guilty. He is sentenced to five years in prison and a $500 fine.


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